please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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