A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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