I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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