I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize