Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
