Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
