is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
