bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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