I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
