I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize