just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize