i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
