i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
