My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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