I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
