Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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