When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
