How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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