shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
