i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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