As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His nipple licking is glorious
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