It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
