I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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