im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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