i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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