3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
