nut hugger
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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