Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
