he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
