I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
