I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize