Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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