my soul wont recognize me after tonight
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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