So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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