oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
