We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
