Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
