K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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