What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
