you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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