8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
