I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
