Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
