Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
