You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
