I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize