He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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