DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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