Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
