When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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