Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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