I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
