She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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