I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
