Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I stole a fireplace last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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