the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
