we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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