She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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