I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
