She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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