I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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